The Work Diet

NOTE: If you will be calling in sick the next day, you should play the sick sound judiciously throughout the day.

9:00 AM

Arrive and place personable belongings in your workspace, log into the computer and start the email program and word processor. Tend to the dirt in the mouseball for 20 minutes.

9:30 AM

Make a fresh pot of coffee and bring your cup back to your workspace after a refreshing visit to the bathroom.  At your desk, wipe the dust from your monitor and check the layout of your desktop icons. Verify that your printers are all functioning. Send yourself a test email to verify that is also working. Check the fax machine by sending yourself a fax. Repeat these steps a second time if there is any doubt. This process should take about an hour.

10:30 AM

It is time for your second refreshing trip to the bathroom. Before returning to your desk, fill a cup with fresh water and drink it at the cooler and fill again to take back to your workspace. After returning, restock your supply of paper clips and post-it notes. Test a dozen of the paper clips to verify that they work. Test the post it notes also. Send yourself an email to verify that it still works. Print out this email to verify that all your printers work. Make sure you use all available fonts in the test. This test should take about two hours, and thus will be completed after you return from lunch. You may desire to play the work sound during this time.

12 Noon

Leave the premises for lunch

1:00 PM

Return to work. Continue the printer test started before lunch.

1:30 PM

Printer test completed, proceed to the coffee machine and make a fresh pot of coffee. When done brewing, pour a cup and stop at the bathroom on your way back to the workspace for refreshing. Back at your workspace, send yourself an email to verify that it still works. Verify that the telephone works by calling the local weather service and also obtaining the days movie times at the local theater. Play the work sound if needed and open up your word processor to an oft used file, and then open "Windows Help" atop the page. Stare blankly at the screen with your chin resting on your left knuckles. Try to keep from snoring, slobbering or falling over.

3:00 PM

Time for a refreshing trip to the bathroom. This trip will include a thorough sit down cleansing and should last at least 20 minutes. Conclude by having a full glass of water at the water cooler, and bring a second glass back to your workspace.

3:30 PM

Send yourself an email to verify that it is still working and print this email on every printer to verify that they are working. Check to see that the telephone is still working and verify the weather forecast for your area. Move your desktop icons to the other side of the screen and back to make sure they do not get stuck.

4:30 PM

Return to the bathroom for your final visit today. A final cup of water at the water cooler is in order and then thoroughly wash your cup in the kitchen. Return to your workspace and tidy up the desk. Log out of the computer system and arrange your pens neatly in the drawer.

5:00 PM

Depart from the workplace

Back to home

Back to.... RAZ ... or  Where you came from