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California leads nation in Back To Nature Policy

Current electrical shortages in California are not an accident, but part of a nationwide effort to return America to a simpler time and place.

As California Edison workers head to the unemployment lines en-masse, citizens are gradually getting accustomed to life without electricity.

Part of the National Power Policy of the outgoing Clinton administration, the implementation of de-electrification has finally reached the public awareness on the west coast.

The policy, meant to foster a more serene "home based" style of living throughout the country was the brainchild of Omar Freedman, the Oregon wildlife enthusiast well known for inventing the "packing peanut" as a means to save trees from destruction and reduce the amount of newsprint in landfills.

      "I am so glad to see my lifetime work finally reaching fulfillment" says Freedman. "When America fully returns to the agrarian lifestyle we will truly be free of the technological ties that bind us".

Freedman is credited with coming up with the idea of precipitating the energy crisis by having the Federal Communications Commission require all broadcast television stations to install a second, high power, digital transmitter.  These new "DTV" transmitters each consume as much electricity per hour as the state of Rhode Island consumes in an average winter week.

By having TV stations add the DTV transmitters you not only put a tremendous stress on the power generating systems, but you bankrupt the TV stations via their utility bills.

      "Television and electricity is responsible for our societal decay" retorts Freedman. "Bankrupting the TV media is necessary to restore the functional family".

Workers have already started dismantling the power grid in preparation for the start of electric utility foreclosure auctions next month. Demand is high for power generating and transmission equipment in South America, where power hungry consumers have not yet realized the "Zen" of being free of electricity.

Washboards Needed!

In a desperate plea, the California Department of Health is asking that anyone with an extra washboard to bring it to their local Red Cross so that it can be sent to California where there is a dire need for them.

An unanticipated aspect of de-electrification is the need for turn-of-last-century washboards. Sadly, policy makers in Washington had miscalculated and overestimated the numbers of washing sized stones that lined the shores of California rivers and canals.

"If we don't get a few thousand washboards here in LA in the next few days, I hate to predict what would happen" says LA County Health Administrator, Dee Wilkins. "People are pretty grungy now-- imagine when they get really dirty".

Officials are hopeful that they will obtain enough washboards to stave off a dirty rebellion. They are thankful at the moment for the shortage of rolling pins and cast iron skillets.

Commemorate the dawn of the new, agrarian, error with a CALIFORNIA POWER CRISIS  tee shirt, sweat shirt
 or coffee mug!
CLICK HERE for details

Generating stations like these will become community baths, as the heavy water from nuclear fission will take hundreds of years to cool down
.

Workers are already dismantling the power grid in preparation for next months auctions.

Power transmission equipment ready to be sold at auction.
 

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