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| | |  New Trading floor for NYSE
The New York Stock Exchange will move to new state-of-the-art facilities the month. "Traders are eager to move", says Al Smite a floor trader. "We are really looking forward to having seats and terminals like the other exchanges". The NYSE has been using their present trading facility since it opened in 1785. Two years ago it was discovered that foot traffic on the trading floor had worn away the wood to the point where sections were unsafe. |
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| |  Taxes linked to Health!
Today the administration announced scientists have discovered a direct link between taxes and
health amongst the population of the US."I cannot let the decline in American health continue" said the president. "Today I plan to improve American health by at least 50% by adding additional taxes on sugar, white flour, and caffeine of at least 60%". Justice Department scientists concluded that because of excess sugar consumption in the US, obesity has become endemic. Comparative studies of the populations of US vs Cuba confirm that without readily available food,
obesity is not a problem. |
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| | | | | | | May 1, 2000 issue | | | |  National Pothole Festival
Detroit Michigan, the pothole capital of the world, will celebrate National Pothole Month (May) by hosting the annual Pothole Festival May 5,6 and 7.Travis Meyer, editor of MODERN POTHOLE, will officiate at the annual blessing of the harvest
taking place at 8pm on May 7 at central roundabout. "This years harvest has been spectacular" reported Meyer. "Not since '86 did we have as wide and deep a variety".  Entrants in both the asphalt and concrete competitions are still being accepted. Regretfully, the rules in the urban concrete class have not been finalized due to a dispute over wording
that might allow extended cracks to be entered incorrectly.
In an effort to attract more widespread competition, entries from Michigan are handicapped 16 points this year. Entries from within the city of Detroit are not allowed in the main competition, but will can be displayed at the show.  As usual, the parade will commence on Saturday
along Woodward avenue, but will detour to I-75 at Third as it has ripened unusually well this season.
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| | | |  Hi-Tek
Loses in NASDAQ
2000
Rocky times are slated for the participants in this weekends Microsoft Cup race. Contenders in the race are wary that after years of heavy handed treatment, they find it hard to trust that the Microsoft Cup will not break in two after the race. Cracks in the armor have already been spotted and wagers are hot as to when and how deep the breakup will be. |
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