EuroDollar Contains Stolen Image of Lincoln

In a shocking revelation, the FBI has discovered that the image of Abraham Lincoln's nose from the US $5 bill is illegally displayed on the new 100# Eurodollar.  More on this..

Retailers Bemoan Shopping Cart Problems

The dramatic increase in the number of people who leave partially filled shopping carts in the aisles of major retailers has caused some store managers cause for alarm.

"We had to hire ten more people just to empty these carts" commented Bill Sands of the Peoria AZ Wall-Mart. "At one point the Automotive department was completely blocked by carts, trapping an elderly gentleman in the air filter aisle for an hour".

The problem has been more acute at Home Depot, where large carts loaded with building materials make many aisles virtually impassable.

Social scientists theorize that the rise in shopping cart abandonment is a spillover into the physical world of the dreaded virtual store abandoned cart problem.

While no solution has been found, Target plans to add a sticky grab bar to all its carts in the hope that they would be harder to leave behind.

In related news
The Home For Abandoned Shopping Carts has announced an aggressive  expansion program due to the surge in abandoned carts. The company stock gained 32 points this week on news of earnings from their acquisition of Recycled Prosthetics Inc.

March 15, 2001

Lewinsky Revealed as Republican Spy

Thanks to the new Soviet freedom of information act, it has been leaned that Ms Lewinsky was a Republican double agent while she was interning in the White House.

Lewinsky, shown above on her 2000 RNC ID photo, was specially trained for her task of seducing the unsuspecting former president. She was charged with obtaining incriminating information on the Clintons.

"It's classic textbook stuff" commented Leonid Skivorski, the Russian intelligence officer who broke the story. "She was the consummate pro,  just listen to the office bug tapes".

Neither the Republican leadership or Lewinski had any comment on the allegations.  The Senate will convene a special hearing on the matter. Senator Ted Kennedy, an expert on these issues,  will spearhead the blue ribbon panel.  More news on this as it is available.  Staff--

Seagate Returns to
Core Business
With the recent downgrading of Tech stocks, Hard Drive manufacturer Seagate has announced that it will be spinning down the drive manufacturing and returning to its core business.

With seismic activity on the rise worldwide, the market for Tsunami protection gates has gone through the roof.

"It seems that every oceanfront town wants protection" says Steve Sladek of Seagate.

Sladek added that the company plans to offer municipalities a package deal that includes not only protection from tidal waves, but high density data storage solutions.  --Staff

LCD Windows from Pela

Liquid Crystal windows that automatically become opaque on cold, dreary days will soon be available nationwide from Pela Windows of Danbury, CT.

The harmful psychological effects of overcast winter days has always been a problem waiting to be solved. These new windows automatically sense the type of day and, if dreary, become opaque, so you are not bothered by viewing a dreary outdoor scene.

The windows will be available initially only with a dreary-grey opaque color, but lavender and yellow opaque will be available in the fall.  --Staff